The Paragraph Stacker

Uncensored columns from an exiled newsmane

From the desk of Daniel P. Finney, sergeant of the watch, Drake Neighborhood Station, Des Moines, Iowa.

ITEM ONE: The Iowa Beef Industry Council selected selected its best burger Iowa. It’s the Who Gives A Shit Just Eat Wherever You Like And Stop Being Such A Goddamn Follower served everywhere. It’s served with Busch Light and ranch dressing because Iowans really like these exceptionally dull things with a pointless fanaticism.

ITEM TWO: The late Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg was pen pals with the director of the Des Moines Metro Opera, reports WHO-TV. As a nation mourns a pioneer for gender equity under the law and one of the most respected jurists of her time, we must also mourn the loss of the loss of the last active pen pals in the nation. Toast their special friendship with a Busch Light and dip something in ranch.

ITEM THREE: Hot Sheet predicts a 4-4 Big Ten season for the Iowa Hawkeyes with losses to Michigan State, Minnesota, Penn State and Wisconsin. The typist also predicts Hawkeye fans will drink lots of Busch Light and dip lots of things in ranch dressing.

ITEM FOUR: Unavailable due to coronavirus quarantine.

ITEM FIVE: Nebraska Athletic Director Bill Moos moaned about the tough draw the Cornhuskers received in the Big Ten schedule, reports the Omaha World-Herald. The Bugeaters play five preseason AP Top 25 teams. Ohio State plays one. Nebraska’s schedule is undeniably tough, but if they it can’t all be Busch Light and ranch dressing.

ITEM LAST: Players at 71 courts in Estonia made 114,357 free throws in 8 hours to set a Guinness Book of World Records mark and honor basketball’s 100th anniversary in the nation, the UPI reports. No word on how much Busch Light and ranch dressing was consumed in celebration.

OK. Let’s close the book on this one. Please donate if you can and, as always, behave and be kind. Especially be kind.

Daniel P. Finney shaved Monday and nobody noticed.

Cut loose and cashiered by corporate media, lone paragraph stacker Daniel P. Finney makes his way telling stories about his city, state and nation. No more metrics or Google trends, he writes stories about people and life ignored by the oligarchy.

ParagraphStacker.com is free, reader-supported media. Please consider donating to help me cover personal expenses as I launch this new venture continuing the journalism you’ve demanded. Visit paypal.me/paragraphstacker.

One thought on “HOT SHEET: Football, Busch Light, ranch dressing and other pointless s***

  1. droll53 says:

    I unhappily noted this morning that the TV news teams, as “essential workers;” are oblivious to the grim facts of unemployment. The weather lady tells me what to wear and the anchor was giddy about merchandise for some show, baby yoda etc., for sale. Proof positive that we are not all in this together. (Every time I hear celebrities say that, my blood pressure rises.) How can you seriously be drooling over a doll when countless Iowans don’t have enough to eat and might lose their residences. Our priorities are skewed. Worse is the fact that our government is not addressing our unemployment problem, and screwed us over on relief. They let it expire; I suppose partly because they thought trump might be right in how long it would all last. It’s a broken system. Our Countrymen are suffering and Grassley is yammering on about pidgens and supporting the trump nominee for Supreme Court Justice. Ernst is busily campaigning on what I consider to be lies. David Young is blatantly using the Monty Python copywrited “Lumberjack Song” melody w/o reprisal in his anti-Axne ads. I hate them all today. I hate the republiCONs forever-and-a-day; but for just today I’m adding the Democrats because they can’t seem to do anything productive to fix this fucking mess. (And there goes McConnell gaming everything.) Happy Fall 2020.

    Like

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