Wednesday, Sept. 23, 2020
From the desk of Daniel P. Finney, sergeant of the watch, Drake Neighborhood Station, Des Moines, Iowa.
ITEM ONE: Every group who sent the typist mail urging him — almost begging him to register to vote — can fucking relax. He’s been registered since age 18. Also, as it comes to more pleading about voting by mail, when, how and whether I vote is my own goddamn business.
ITEM TWO: The Hot Sheet sampled Fox’s fall new show, “L.A.’s Finest.” The show stars Jessica Alba as a woke super mom who can spit out Dumpster-diver “Gilmore Girls” dialogue while shooting to wound in a firefight who harbors a dark secret. Gabrielle Union plays a cop who loves sex with at least two genders, hates relationships, smokes weed and … also harbors a dark secret. Despite amped SFX for the pilot, the show offices little more than a standard police procedural with a soapy twist in the background. The show is a victory of sorts for the representation of Black and brown people on prime time TV. It definitively proves Fox can make mediocre shows starring people of any race, color or creed. What a time to be alive.
ITEM THREE: The typist took his first COVID-19 test Wednesday. Drake University requires random sampling of students — even those who live off campus and study remotely. He spit into a cup until it covered the bottom. The ol’ Paragraph Stacker doesn’t know yet if he has coronavirus, but he finally found a use for all the spitting technique he learned playing Little League.
ITEM FOUR: Unavailable due to COVID-19 quarantine.
ITEM FIVE: Hot Sheet has learned that Item Five was at a party that was improperly socially distanced with Item Four on or about Sept. 7. Item Five is now quarantined in location outside the Drake station. This behavior undermines our ability to keep the station and surrounding community safe, and puts the continuation of in-person paragraph stacking at risk. It also violates the Hot Sheet Together Compact and is subject to disciplinary action under our Code of Typist Conduct.
ITEM SIX: Hot Sheet notes the wedding of typist favorite actress Emma Stone to some dude who will clearly not worship her as much as he would.
ITEM SEVEN: New comics Wednesday recommendations:
- Vampronica: New Blood — Archie Comics’ reimagining their core characters as horror icons continues as Veronica becomes a vampire who stalks the night for blood, vengeance and opulent handbags.
- Acts of Vengeance: Marvel Universe — The great villains of the Marvel Universe form a cabal and decide to put new foes against the heroes that have defeated them time and again. The result is a late 1980s classic.
ITEM LAST: If it’s true that every person must make an accounting of their time on Earth at the end of their life, the typist is concerned about how much time he spent looking for the goddamn remote.
OK, let’s close the book on this one. Please donate if you can. It supports the creativity and keeps up the typist’s grad school efforts.
Cut loose and cashiered by corporate media, lone paragraph stacker Daniel P. Finney makes his way telling stories about his city, state and nation. No more metrics or Google trends, he writes stories about people and life ignored by the oligarchy.
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The Paragraph Stacker 
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