humor, Iowa

HOT SHEET: Ideas for country music lyrics and other jokes not related to Election Day or voting in any way, we promise

From the desk of Daniel P. Finney, sergeant of the watch, Drake Neighborhood Station, Des Moines, Iowa.

ITEM FIRST: Idea for country music lyrics: “If I had known it was the last time, I would’ve enjoyed it more.”

ITEM TWO: More country music lyric ideas: “It wasn’t as good as you remember and it’s worse than that now.”

ITEM THREE: Yet more country music lyric ideas: “I got no cry left in me.”

ITEM FOUR: [Insert motivational quote here.]

ITEM FIVE: Even more country music lyrics: “I ain’t going nowhere and I’m well on my way.”

ITEM SIX: Anthropologists say Alaska native people have 50 words for snow. I’d print them here, but 49 of them are profanities.

ITEM SEVEN: Every time a guy who is all backwards baseball cap and beard oil makes a sleazy comment to a woman at a bar, a Corona gets its lime.

ITEM EIGHT: Still more country music lyric ideas: “I don’t remember the last time I did something worth remembering.”

ITEM NINE: Being a single, middle-aged guy is rough. Sometimes I have long, internal debates about whether to nap in the recliner or just go to bed.

ITEM TEN: The 37th cause of death in the United States last year was oral trauma related to lacerations in the roof of the mouth caused by eating Cap’n Crunch.

ITEM ELEVEN: I never read those “Chicken Soup for the Soul” books. I’m more of a “Chili for the Holy Ghost Pepper” kind of guy.

ITEM TWELVE: No, autocorrect, I did not mean that guy is a “ducking bass.”

ITEM LAST: The ol’ Paragraph Stacker said he wasn’t going to publish a Hot Sheet today due to stress from the coming election. You just can’t depend on anything these days.

My name is Daniel P. Finney. I had an accident and woke up in 2020. Am I mad, in a coma, or back in time? Whatever’s happened, it’s like I’ve landed on a different planet.

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2 thoughts on “HOT SHEET: Ideas for country music lyrics and other jokes not related to Election Day or voting in any way, we promise”

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