des moines, humor, News, People, Pop Culture

HOT SHEET: 10 funny jokes that you won’t be able to remember when you want to tell them to someone else

From the desk of Daniel P. Finney, sergeant of the watch, 24th Street Station, Des Moines, Iowa.

ITEM FIRST: Anthropologists say Inuits have 50 words for snow. I’d print them here, but 49 of them are profanities.

ITEM TWO: Shoveling snow sucks, but at least you don’t have to mow the lawn.

ITEM THREE: If you find a grammatical error on the internet and point it out in the comments section, your life goals are complete and you may ascend to heaven.

ITEM FOUR: [Insert inspirational quote here.]

ITEM FIVE: Sometimes I taunt my married friends by setting the thermostat to whatever the hell I want with no debate.

ITEM SIX: Man caves are for losers. I want a man castle complete with guard towers and unlimited place backs in the best chair.

ITEM SEVEN: In newsrooms all across America, editors and reporters debate the essential news question of the day: “Is it too early to publish the annual list of best/worst Thanksgiving side dishes?”

ITEM EIGHT: I’m not saying I’m bad with money, but if someone stole my identity, my credit score would go up.

ITEM NINE: A recent investigative report by Hot Sheet reveals football referees are paid by the flag throw. Bonuses are given for use of instant replay.

ITEM LAST: I would rather listen to Fran Drescher sing the national anthem on a continuous loop that hear one more person use the word “adulting.”

Daniel P. Finney wrote a check for 69 cents for half and half at Ralph’s in 1991.

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1 thought on “HOT SHEET: 10 funny jokes that you won’t be able to remember when you want to tell them to someone else”

  1. In 1971, for breakfast before class, my first husband and I shared chocolate covered cherries and coca-cola at Farley’s SuperValue on Forest. (And diet pop sweetened with cyclamate was actually tasty.) Oh, the memories of youth.

    Like

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