From the desk of Daniel P. Finney, hot seat editor, 24th Street bureau, Des Moines, Iowa.
Iowa Gov. Kim Reynolds sure seems sweet enough when she goes before cameras to announce that’s she’s effectively doing not one single goddamn thing to stop the spread of coronavirus in her state.
She has the voice of a kindergarten teacher, welcoming all the students and urging us to sit on our placemats and not piss ourselves as she uses none of her constitutional authority to quell the spread.
In dulcet tones, COVID Kim, Iowa’s very own Hanoi Jane, tells us this is not about mandates.
Mandate the fucking masks already. It slows the spread. It’s provably true.
Instead, she has another mealy-mouthed, half-assed measure about gathering sizes and masks for people indoors longer than 15 minutes under a full moon with winds from the south, southwest.
Reynolds says there’s not enough law enforcement in the state to enforce such a mandate.
My friend Grant Jordan tweeted: “We don’t have enough law enforcement to enforce fucking speeding but we still have a damn speed limit don’t we?”
Reynolds ordered elective surgeries limited. Most of the hospitals quit booking elective surgeries months ago. Hospitals in Des Moines have kicked doctors and other medical professionals out of their offices to make room for emergency beds.
Elective surgeries were low on their list.
I will give COVID Kim exactly this much slack: Her Republican compatriots in Congress managed to convince half the country that COVID is a hoax or, at a minimum, it only killed people who were going to die anyway.
Well, we’re all going to die, I suppose. But there’s dying because you reached the end of your natural life cycle and there’s dying because you played Russian roulette with an AR-15.
COVID Kim shut down all youth sports except for high school. College and pros march on.
Somebody tell me how in the hell we’re going to have wrestling season in this state with every county slathered in COVID?
Basketball is hardly better unless we turn it into games of social-distanced HORSE.
COVID Kim could have stopped crowds at college games. She didn’t.
Thank God we’ve preserved the potential for crowds at the NBA D-League and minor league hockey games that hardly anyone attends. Those were socially distanced by lack of interest.
COVID Kim’s do-nothing approach to the pandemic officially pushes her past Chet Culver as the worst governor in my lifetime.
She’s still two-stepping to lame duck President Donald Trump’s kazoo orchestra.
Who knows what Trump will do after he leaves the White House — and he will leave — but if he starts a band, he should hire COVID Kim as a back-up singer.
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