Major League Baseball decided to pull this year’s All-Star game out of Atlanta because of Georgia’s voter disenfranchisement laws.
That raises the important question: Where should the game be played?
The obvious answer is Des Moines.
Here’s nine reasons why:
- We could probably get Caitlin Clark to throw out the first pitch and Luka Garza to sing the national anthem.
- We have Froot Loops pizza.
- Imagine the social media boom when sluggers get their picture taken on the rocket ship slide and carousel at Union Park.
- Raygun will make a T-shirt.
- The local Gannett Outlet Store will do so many stories on it, you guys. So. Many. Stories.
- We gave hundreds of millions in tax breaks to Google, Facebook and Apple — some of the world’s richest companies — to put warehouses full of servers in farm fields. Our legislators are willing to peel the gold off the Capitol dome to associate themselves with greedy corporate hustlers who run MLB.
- We love competition. Example: Iowa hosts the first-in-the-nation Iowa Caucuses, a contest in the presidential nomination process that is so important the winner is sometimes settled by a coin flip a week after everyone has moved on. Think what we could do to speed up a baseball game!
- When Iowa disenfranchises voters, we still allow beverages for those waiting in line, unlike those creeps in Georgia. Those beverages could be Major League Baseball’s officially sponsored sufferage drink
- Lots of old white men in this town — MLB’s target audience.