A big push from a young Cyclones fan

The acrid smell of hot rubber and the whine of tires spinning on melted snow and hard ice filled the air at my apartment complex. My beloved Dodge Charge — in all it’s real-wheel drive shortcomings — could not navigate the slick surface on its own. Monday, my apartment complex manager, Pierce, came out of his office, bundled against the icy weather, and pushed and heaved. He laid down 15 pounds of sand. We finally rocked the car over the ice hump. That night I parked on the street. I thought I had enough tread on clear pavement that I would take off without a problem. I was wrong. I rocked the car as I pushed the gas pedal to the floor. I reversed. I put it in first gear. I made progress in inches. Many people walked by and stared, as if my frustration was an amusement. Then one young mad clad in an Iowa State Cyclones sweatshirt knocked on my passenger side window. I rolled it down. “Can I help?” Oh, you beautiful boy, please do. He pushed. I pressed the pedal and in a few minutes I was free. I yelled thank you at him, but I doubt he heard me. Life has humbled me in recent years. I’ve needed more help than at any point in my life. I’ve received many times over. We read so munch about how much humans hate and fear one another. But there are always helpers, the late children’s television host Fred Rogers told us. Be the helper.

Unsolicited Advice

Never buy a car just because you think it looks cool. I bought my car because it reminded me of a car from a popular TV show when I was boy. It’s been car except in the winter, when it drives like trying to pick a slice of banana up off a linoleum kitchen floor. My next car will be a minivan.

Podcast: America falls behind the world in potato chip variety; Mexico raids Kellogg’s warehouse, confiscates Corn Flakes and Special K; and more

Tyler pinch hits for Paul, whose off this week due for lode management. Chip flavors we wish were in America — or not. Mexico confiscates 380,000 boxes of Kelloggs cereals for inappropriate cartoons and sugary content. And some kid at LSU won a year’s worth of Whataburgers, but does it come with aortic stent?

Goat escapes religious sacrifice by drunken priest — man doesn't; Wharton kid thinks $800K is 'average' American salary; New pirate stock exchange Talking Paragraphs

Goat escapes slaughter as drunken priest allegedly kills man instead. Wharton student estimates Americans make average annual salary of $800,000. Pirates part of casino-style stock exchange. McNuggets dipping into garlic pepper spice. Foreign chip flavors revisited.  Gaspard Ulliel, Meat Loaf, and Louie Anderson all dead. Shut up, Joe Rogan. Netherlands protesting COVID restrictions by going to the museum to get their hair cut. — Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/talkingparagraphs/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/talkingparagraphs/support
  1. Goat escapes religious sacrifice by drunken priest — man doesn't; Wharton kid thinks $800K is 'average' American salary; New pirate stock exchange
  2. America falls behind the world in potato chip variety; Mexico raids Kellogg's warehouse, confiscates Corn Flakes and Special K; and more
  3. Why you should eat a Taco Bell taco every day for a month; Little Caesars' price hike; and dying at the right time
  4. Oh, the humanity: French Fry shortage in Japan! College football chatter, and New Year's Resolutions from 2021 we actually accomplished
  5. Live play-by-play of Christmas presents being opened; mushroom coffins; 'Licorice Pizza,' 'Spider-Man,' and 'Matrix 4'