The Paragraph Stacker

Uncensored columns from an exiled newsmane

Monday, Oct. 19, 2020 From the desk of Daniel P. Finney, sergeant of the watch, Drake Neighborhood Station, Des Moines, Iowa. ITEM ONE: At about 11:45 a.m., the National Weather Service in Johnston sent out a warning of a “snow squall” in central Iowa. The bureau predicted hazardous driving conditions for the next hour — …

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Thursday, Oct. 15, 2020 From the desk of Daniel P. Finney, sergeant of the watch, Drake Neighborhood Station, Des Moines, Iowa. ITEM ONE: Des Moines Mayor Frank Cownie gleefully announced Des Moines will celebrate Beggars’ Night on Oct. 30 with masks (not just the costume kind) required and social distancing protocols active. Mr. Mayor, can …

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Tuesday, Oct. 13, 2020 From the desk of Daniel P. Finney, sergeant of the watch, Drake Neighborhood Station, Des Moines, Iowa. ITEM ONE: A faint knock on the door shook the typist out of a nap inspired by the late afternoon football game. ITEM TWO: The typist found a blue-eyed boy with tousled brown hair …

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Sunday, Oct. 11, 2020 From the desk of Daniel P. Finney, sergeant of the watch, Drake Neighborhood Station, Des Moines, Iowa. ITEM ONE: The Senate race between incumbent Republican Joni Ernst and Democratic challenger Theresa Greenfield could decide the balance of power in the Senate, per CNBC. The campaign packed in the usual cartoonish bitterness. …

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Friday, Oct. 9, 2020 From the desk of Daniel P. Finney, sergeant of the watch, Drake Neighborhood Station, Des Moines, Iowa. ITEM ONE: The age of robocalls makes the typist nostalgic for old Bell hard plastic telephones that could be smashed into the cradle with a frightening level of aggression. Somehow even the most fervent …

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Tuesday, Oct. 6, 2020 From the desk of Daniel P. Finney, sergeant of the watch, Drake Neighborhood Station, Des Moines, Iowa. ITEM ONE: Remember when everyone thought COVID-19 could be defeated by hoarding toilet paper? The typist just cracked the plastic on the first roll of TP he bought in the hoarding phase in March.  ITEM …

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Saturday, Oct. 3, 2020 From the desk of Daniel P. Finney, sergeant of the watch, Drake Neighborhood Station, Des Moines, Iowa. ITEM ONE: President Donald Trump and First Lady Melania Trump both tested positive for COVID-19. The president received oxygen treatments before he flew to Walter Reed hospital aboard Marine One. I dislike the president …

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Thursday, Oct. 1, 2020 From the desk of Daniel P. Finney, sergeant of the watch, Drake Neighborhood Station, Des Moines, Iowa. ITEM ONE: The New York Yankees defeated the baseball team from Cleveland to advance into the second round of the Major League Baseball playoffs that are working very hard to be like the NBA …

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Wednesday, Sept. 30, 2020 From the desk of Daniel P. Finney, sergeant of the watch, Drake Neighborhood Station, Des Moines, Iowa. ITEM ONE: President Donald Trump and former Vice President Joe Biden met in what was loosely described as a “debate” Tuesday somewhere in America. The typist didn’t watch a frame of it. He watched …

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