5-sentence review of ‘Jolt’

1.

Everybody seems to have a movie like “Jolt” on their streaming service these days — one in which a beautiful woman (or multiple beautiful women in the case of Netflix’s “Gunpowder Milkshake”) with a traumatic background who beats up and kills a lot of people as therapy.

2.

“Jolt” steams on Amazon Prime and stars Kate Beckinsale as Lindy, a woman with unusually high adrenaline levels and a condition that makes her flip out and beat people up.

3.

A creepy psychiatrist (Stanley Tucci) rigs up a device that allows Lindy to shock herself — hence the title “Jolt” — into preventing her Hulk-outs.

4.

Lindy meets and shags a cute guy who is murdered the next day and she sets about on a revenge quest using her adrenalin superpower to beat up and kill lots of people.

5.

“Jolt” offers a few twists, a few laughs – though at times it’s a bit too tongue-in-cheek, and Beckinsale charms her way through middling material to make this as good a use of 94 minutes as you can expect from a late summer release on a streaming service.


Daniel P. Finney writes columns for ParagraphStacker.com, a free, reader-supported website. Please consider donating to help me cover personal expenses as I continue writing while I pursue my master’s degree and teacher certification.
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5-sentence review of ‘Gunpowder Milkshake’

1.

Gunpowder Milkshake” shatters the senses with a violent slow-motion ballet of violence with impossibly beautiful women beating the toxic masculinity out of men — exceptionally dumb men — all in shades of neon lights.

2.

The Netflix original steamer stars Karen Gillan as an assassin abandoned by her mother, played by Lena Headey, also an assassin, who guns down the wrong gangster’s kid on assignment for the mysterious “Firm” and then accidentally kills the father of an 8-year-old girl — sorry, 8 and three quarters — being held hostage by more bad guys.

3.

The film borrows from its slick action predecessors — the library filled with guns to be checked out by people in the game and a diner where violence is off limits feels like a direct rip-off of the John Wick franchise.

4.

The writers make a clumsy effort to include a subtheme about a girl power squad of impossibly beautiful professional murderers is somehow part of the feminist cause, but this can largely be ignored because no one presses play on “Gunpowder Milkshake” trying to be a better citizen.

5.

“Gunpowder Milkshake” is the most fun I’ve had at a “watch, don’t think” movie in a good long while and Gillan, the ginger Scott whose action credits include “Doctor Who” and the “Guardians of the Galaxy” franchise, proves she’s the kick-ass action hero who needs more lead roles.


Daniel P. Finney writes columns for ParagraphStacker.com, a free, reader-supported website. Please consider donating to help me cover personal expenses as I continue writing while I pursue my master’s degree and teacher certification.
Post: 1217 24th St., Apt. 36, Des Moines, 50311.
Zelle: newsmanone@gmail.com.
Venmo@newsmanone.
PayPalpaypal.me/paragraphstacker.

5-sentence review of ‘Space Jam: A New Legacy’

1.

Space Jam A New Legacy” plays a lot like “Ready Player One” — a near constant stream of references to other pop culture phenomenon, proving a theory of mine that something that needs to reference a lot of other, better things is probably soft on its own content.

2.

Iron Giant, Superman, Wonder Woman, King Kong, Trinity from “The Matrix,” and just about every other character from Warner Bros. catalogue showed for cameos in the sequel to 1996 film “Space Jam;” it got so obnoxious that I almost checked out when the leads from “Rick and Morty” showed up.

3.

NBA great LeBron James plays an overbearing father to his youngest son, trying to turn him into a basketball star instead of the video game maker the boy wanted to be and the boy joins forces with a sentient algorithm in the Warner Bros. computer servers played by Don Cheadle, a high-caliber actor who must’ve really wanted to hang out with LeBron.

4.

I like the idea of a sentient algorithm causing trouble for the world, but then again, that’s just another pop culture reference — to Hal 9000 from “2001: A Space Odyssey,” a property Warner Bros. doesn’t own.

5.

“Space Jam: A New Legacy” is a wholesome children’s movie probably best enjoyed by families with children who don’t have their own smartphones yet because those kids who do have devices will be posting how lame it is shortly after the opening credits.


Daniel P. Finney writes columns for ParagraphStacker.com, a free, reader-supported website. Please consider donating to help me cover personal expenses as I continue writing while I pursue my master’s degree and teacher certification.
Post: 1217 24th St., Apt. 36, Des Moines, 50311.
Zelle: newsmanone@gmail.com.
Venmo@newsmanone.
PayPalpaypal.me/paragraphstacker.