5-sentence review of ‘Jolt’

1.

Everybody seems to have a movie like “Jolt” on their streaming service these days — one in which a beautiful woman (or multiple beautiful women in the case of Netflix’s “Gunpowder Milkshake”) with a traumatic background who beats up and kills a lot of people as therapy.

2.

“Jolt” steams on Amazon Prime and stars Kate Beckinsale as Lindy, a woman with unusually high adrenaline levels and a condition that makes her flip out and beat people up.

3.

A creepy psychiatrist (Stanley Tucci) rigs up a device that allows Lindy to shock herself — hence the title “Jolt” — into preventing her Hulk-outs.

4.

Lindy meets and shags a cute guy who is murdered the next day and she sets about on a revenge quest using her adrenalin superpower to beat up and kill lots of people.

5.

“Jolt” offers a few twists, a few laughs – though at times it’s a bit too tongue-in-cheek, and Beckinsale charms her way through middling material to make this as good a use of 94 minutes as you can expect from a late summer release on a streaming service.


Daniel P. Finney writes columns for ParagraphStacker.com, a free, reader-supported website. Please consider donating to help me cover personal expenses as I continue writing while I pursue my master’s degree and teacher certification.
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5-sentence review of ‘Gunpowder Milkshake’

1.

Gunpowder Milkshake” shatters the senses with a violent slow-motion ballet of violence with impossibly beautiful women beating the toxic masculinity out of men — exceptionally dumb men — all in shades of neon lights.

2.

The Netflix original steamer stars Karen Gillan as an assassin abandoned by her mother, played by Lena Headey, also an assassin, who guns down the wrong gangster’s kid on assignment for the mysterious “Firm” and then accidentally kills the father of an 8-year-old girl — sorry, 8 and three quarters — being held hostage by more bad guys.

3.

The film borrows from its slick action predecessors — the library filled with guns to be checked out by people in the game and a diner where violence is off limits feels like a direct rip-off of the John Wick franchise.

4.

The writers make a clumsy effort to include a subtheme about a girl power squad of impossibly beautiful professional murderers is somehow part of the feminist cause, but this can largely be ignored because no one presses play on “Gunpowder Milkshake” trying to be a better citizen.

5.

“Gunpowder Milkshake” is the most fun I’ve had at a “watch, don’t think” movie in a good long while and Gillan, the ginger Scott whose action credits include “Doctor Who” and the “Guardians of the Galaxy” franchise, proves she’s the kick-ass action hero who needs more lead roles.


Daniel P. Finney writes columns for ParagraphStacker.com, a free, reader-supported website. Please consider donating to help me cover personal expenses as I continue writing while I pursue my master’s degree and teacher certification.
Post: 1217 24th St., Apt. 36, Des Moines, 50311.
Zelle: newsmanone@gmail.com.
Venmo@newsmanone.
PayPalpaypal.me/paragraphstacker.

5-sentence review of ‘Masters of the Universe: Revelation’

1.

Reviving a franchise steeped in childhood nostalgia, such as the 1980s cartoon series “He-Man and the Masters of the Universe,” requires a delicate balance between taking the fans’ love of the characters and setting seriously while not being so rooted in the past that the new product feels like a rehash.

2.

Showrunner Kevin Smith and his crew walk that line well with “Masters of the Universe: Revelations,” a five-episode animated series streaming on Netflix, taking the best of the original characters’ spirit, while leaving out the irritating and repeated scenes of people laughing with their hands on their hips and canned morality lessons at the end of the story.

3.

This more violent, better animated version of He-Man is clearly targeted at the adults who watch the original series and played with the toys it supported, though younger fans could hook on if they are able to hold attention on a video that lasts a whole 25 minutes.

4.

The voice cast is even somewhat of a nostalgia trip with “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” herself, Sarah Michelle Gellar, voicing female lead Teela, and veteran voice actor and the man who embodied Luke Skywalker, Mark Hamill, playing the evil Skeletor.

5.

The new stuff is the good stuff with “Revelations” asking questions the audience never thought to answer —such as how would it feel for Teela to find out her mother, father, the court jester, and a talking tiger knew He-Man’s true identity — while also sending the characters on a quest that honors the lore of both comics and the original series.


Daniel P. Finney writes columns for ParagraphStacker.com, a free, reader-supported website. Please consider donating to help me cover personal expenses as I continue writing while I pursue my master’s degree and teacher certification.
Post: 1217 24th St., Apt. 36, Des Moines, 50311.
Zelle: newsmanone@gmail.com.
Venmo@newsmanone.
PayPalpaypal.me/paragraphstacker.