The Paragraph Stacker

Uncensored columns from an exiled newsmane

Wednesday, Oct. 21, 2020 From the desk of Daniel P. Finney, sergeant of the watch, Drake Neighbored Station, Des Moines, Iowa. ITEM ONE: The typist doesn’t like to brag, but when he called his insurance company the other day, he was specially selected to participate in a survey after his business was concluded. Things are …

Continue reading

Wednesday, Oct. 14, 2020 From the desk of Daniel P. Finney, sergeant of the watch, Drake Neighborhood Station. ITEM ONE: Terrible news from the bar at Jethro’s on Forest Avenue near Drake University: The restaurant is closing on Mondays and Tuesdays for at least six weeks. Insiders tell the typist the restaurant has a steady …

Continue reading

Thursday, Oct. 8, 2020 From the desk of Daniel P. Finney, sergeant of the watch, Drake Neighborhood Station, Des Moines, Iowa. ITEM ONE: Watching the New York Yankees this season and in the playoffs has provided about as much joy as chewing aluminum foil. Where have you gone, Mariano Rivera? Our nation turns its lonely …

Continue reading

Wednesday, Sept. 23, 2020 From the desk of Daniel P. Finney, sergeant of the watch, Drake Neighborhood Station, Des Moines, Iowa. ITEM ONE: Every group who sent the typist mail urging him — almost begging him to register to vote — can fucking relax. He’s been registered since age 18. Also, as it comes to …

Continue reading

From the desk of Daniel P. Finney, sergeant of the watch, Drake Neighborhood Station, Des Moines, Iowa. ITEM ONE: The Iowa Beef Industry Council selected selected its best burger Iowa. It’s the Who Gives A Shit Just Eat Wherever You Like And Stop Being Such A Goddamn Follower served everywhere. It’s served with Busch Light …

Continue reading

From the desk of Daniel P. Finney, sergeant of the watch, Drake Neighborhood Station, Des Moines, Iowa. ITEM ONE: Iowa State fans should thank their higher power of choice for unanswered prayers. Some 25,000 were to be admitted to Saturday’s debacle in Ames before officials came to their senses and remembered the pandemic. The Cyclones …

Continue reading

From the desk of Daniel P. Finney, sergeant of the watch, Drake Precinct Station. ITEM ONE: Update on #OldManStudent. The ol’ Paragraph Stacker takes all his classes online via Zoom meetings at Drake University. This format works better than anticipated, but there are pitfalls. Example: Your typist’s bathroom is about 12 feet from his computer. …

Continue reading

The first week of graduate school is in the bag. It went well. I worry I’m on track to being one of those irritating non-traditional students who talks too much in class. Those people burned me up as an undergraduate. They always did the reading and they were so damn enthusiastic about it. Maybe they …

Continue reading

I popped out of bed and hustled to get dressed. The first day of school had finally arrived. I rushed to the kitchen and poured my cereal and milk. I scraped the last scoop and drank the milk. Every schoolchild knows breakfast is the most important meal of the day. I hustled to brush my …

Continue reading

I shall teach. I am 45 years old. I’m out of work. There’s a global pandemic. Nothing seems right with the world. And the only trade that seems more troubled, more affected by society’s idolatry and hedonism than journalism is education. Well, reporters, teachers and cops. They’re all tough jobs in any era. I’m too …

Continue reading