The Paragraph Stacker

Uncensored columns from an exiled newsmane

Wednesday, Oct. 14, 2020 From the desk of Daniel P. Finney, sergeant of the watch, Drake Neighborhood Station. ITEM ONE: Terrible news from the bar at Jethro’s on Forest Avenue near Drake University: The restaurant is closing on Mondays and Tuesdays for at least six weeks. Insiders tell the typist the restaurant has a steady …

Continue reading

Tuesday, Oct. 6, 2020 From the desk of Daniel P. Finney, sergeant of the watch, Drake Neighborhood Station, Des Moines, Iowa. ITEM ONE: Remember when everyone thought COVID-19 could be defeated by hoarding toilet paper? The typist just cracked the plastic on the first roll of TP he bought in the hoarding phase in March.  ITEM …

Continue reading

Wednesday, Sept. 23, 2020 From the desk of Daniel P. Finney, sergeant of the watch, Drake Neighborhood Station, Des Moines, Iowa. ITEM ONE: Every group who sent the typist mail urging him — almost begging him to register to vote — can fucking relax. He’s been registered since age 18. Also, as it comes to …

Continue reading

From the desk of Daniel P. Finney, sergeant of the watch, Drake Neighborhood Station, Des Moines, Iowa. Tuesday, Sept. 22, 2020 ITEM ONE: The typist made the mistake of reading the news Monday. He recommends against it — especially if you are prone to anxiety and depression. The stories he perused related to the possibility …

Continue reading

From the desk of Daniel P. Finney, sergeant of the watch, Drake Station: ITEM ONE: Des Moines school administration’s decision to start the school year online-only placed fall sports in jeopardy. The state associations for girls’ and boys’ athletics ruled if you’re not physically in school, you can’t play football, volleyball or other fall sports. …

Continue reading

From the desk of Daniel P. Finney, sergeant of the watch, Drake University Station: ITEM ONE: Iowa State University reversed it’s dunderheaded plan to have 25,000 fans at the Cyclone’s opening football game next Saturday in Ames during the COVID-19 pandemic. ISU President Wendy Wintersteen punted after “receiving feedback from the community.” No word on …

Continue reading

Sens. Joni Ernst and Chuck Grassley and Reps. Cindy Axne, Abby Finkenauer, Steve King and Dave Loebsack: My name is Daniel Finney. I’m a resident of Des Moines and a voter. I write to you not as a member of a political party. I am independent, but I have been registered as both a Democrat …

Continue reading

The job search drags on with zero positive signs. I paid a company to read my resume and offer feedback. They said I sound more like a “doer rather than an achiever.” I relayed this statement to Mom 2.0, the retired east Des Moines hairdresser. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?” she said. …

Continue reading